I gave up... What a wuss part 4: Beijing

Truly massive. And not in a way where any particular area has a different character, at least as far as I could tell. Put me in any street, and I was lost. Not least because I couldn't read any signs at all. This didn't matter quite so much in Harbin because it wasn't anywhere near as big, and we generally only went in one direction. But In Beijing you have to rely on the English street names that you can't pronounce and that the taxi drivers therefore can't understand or read what you've got written down. Which is interesting. When we first arrived, we spent a good hour wandering around the taxi rank with Alex getting annoyed at me for refusing to pay large sums of money to someone who was first convinced we wanted to find a hotel, then get to the airport. When we eventually found a driver who spoke English, we were still overcharged for the trip to the youth hostel and I was shaken and had never felt so isolated.

The hostel was very nice; in the end it was very convenient and very well set-up, nice rooms, a communal area, computers with good internet, staff that all speak English very well and really extremely cheap to boot. It was 2 minutes from a metro stop which as of yet only has 3 lines, but is still very useful. We were put in a room with 6 beds, but there turned out to only be one other person there; an Australian called aargh just a sec eerm Liz? I think... don't hold me to that... who introduced us to a load more Australians:

Activities partaken of with the Australians:
1)Turning up to a festival just as it ended... but you can't have it your way all the time!
2)Japanese meal: I spilt stuff and was told that I can't use chopsticks, but the food was good
3)Expat bar with dice drinking game that I can't remember, which is the sign of a good drinking game
4)Karioke! The greatest night out you can have in China or indeed anywhere, especially with Australians.
5)Buying a mobile phone for someone. Admittedly not a high point. But my god they were cheap.
6)Hanging out in their flat.

Me and Alex also did the normal Beijing sightseeing trail with the forbidden city (lots of old stuff, to be honest that doesn't get me very excited... and there was a starbucks actually in there, which is disgusting. And a lot of it was closed for refurbishment), Tian'men square (huuuge, again well worth seeing, and if you want to get, for example, one of the little red books that everyone seems to be trying to sell you HAGGLE LIKE HELL!! Get it down to at least a fifth of what they first ask for, seriously everyone is trying to rip you off), golden gate, and later with two of Alex's friends we went to the gardeney place... y'know, with the echo wall... the summer palace or something? You can talk to eachother for behind two buildings! Pretty cool. Even though the main building was again closed for refurbishment, because of the Beijing 2008 games as it turns out. So not really particularly good timing to visit China really... oh well. And we went to karioke again.

I had already decided that I was going home fairly soon after arriving in Beijing, after never feeling 100% well and just so insecure and isolated, and had spoken to Alex a few times about it. The day before I left, we went to see the great wall which was spectacular; we went to a bit which steamed up the side of a mountain, revealing an amazing view of the continuing stretch of wall and foreign countryside. It was amazing, even though we probably didn't get the most fair deal getting there and back in the world.

I flew home the next morning to an empty house and spent a month trying unsuccessfully to post some stuff Alex gave me to post. It was not a good time. I lost the money for the remaining plane tickets and travel insurance, and despite parting on what I thought were good terms Alex stopped speaking to me. It was stay and be miserable, as far as I could see at the time, or come back and be miserable but secure. I know I should have stuck it out, but at the time it just wasn't an option. I had to come home.

I gave up... What a wuss part 3: Harbin

So we got to Harbin and wheeled out of the front entrance. There was a big square and ooh look about 50 kfc's, and thousands of people trying to charge you ridiculous prices to take you somewhere in their car. We wandered around for ages looking for the hostel, me feeling gradually more lost and panicky, wheeling around a massive bag and getting very strange local looks. We found the hostel. It was then that we realised we weren't staying at the hostel. I had stupidly assumed that we were staying there rather than actually looking at the tickets. Yup, I'm an idiot. So they ordered us a cab to take us to the hotel we were ACTUALLY staying at... which turned out to be pretty much opposite the station (the hotel Maxima if I remember rightly) where our passports were taken away again. But this place was different. This place was posh.

Isolated in out little room, we discovered the delight of Chinese TV, mainly the circus acts program which turned into regular viewing of an evening. We spent 2 full days here, one day we just explored and found the river and found some guy who said he was a tourist official in the local government who was going to hook us up with a horse-drawn carriage across the frozen river to the ice festival, and showed us to a very VERY cheap restaurant where we had a nice meal, then we walked back to the hotel. At some point I tried and failed to get some money out... which was worrying as I was relying on that card to get money out throughout the trip. Thinking back, that happened somewhere back in Moscow too... fun fun! Oh well. We also discovered some genius public amenities by the river, next to some flats. It was like a kids playground, but with stuff for grownups, like crosstrainers and pullup bars, loads of them! And some table-tennis tables of course.

Whilst going around the "eurocentre" shopping centre we were spotted from below by what turned out to be a magazine photographer who, obviously bedazzled by Alex, proceeded to take photos of us in front of the freshly opened, or so I gathered, shopping mall. There were several more such small incidents here; Alex really is startlingly tall compared to pretty much everyone in China.

Driving here is worth a mention. I am nearly sure that any given taxi driver in that city could give professional rally drivers a run for their money over any terrain. We experienced skillful control sliding over black ice around corners, much well-judged horn use and a good level of speed.

On the second day, we went to the ice festival over the river. We actually walked across the frozen river. I have never been so cold in my life!! Seriously, my mouth-guard thingey was frozen when we got there, and I actually enjoyed coffee for the first time in my life. In a cafe made of snow!! The ice festival wasn't really a festival when we visited. It was more of a pretty much deserted park with snow sculptures lining the paths and an ice palace under construction somewhere in the middle. Very scenic, very icy... lots of ice... there were some very cool sculptures. Ha. Your frosty reception of the pun is anticipated, and acknowledged. There were Americans somewhere. We took a horse and carriage back across the river and ate a slightly more expensive meal on the way back to the hotel.

That night I woke up and my pulse was like 120 and Alex said I was "radiating cold." I seriously thought I was going to die, I panicked and went downstairs and eventually made them understand about an ambulance, but decided against it as I didn't seem to be actually falling over and choking, so I went upstairs and treated the main symptom; I had a 3am very hot bath, at the suggestion of an Alex. It worked, but still I think this was the incident that scared me the most and was one of the main reasons that I went home again.

One last thing to mention; whilst here we visited 3 shopping malls and didn't buy a thing. The next day involved some more exploring, a crowded and slightly hostile restaurant, and an American doctor who had been traveling for 3 months and seen 32 Chinese cities. Then we got on the sleeper to Beijing which was very slick, with complimentary TV and it didn't kill us with heat, but we were asleep most of the time so we missed some really nice views apparently... but yea. Then we got to Beijing.

I gave up... What a wuss part 2: the train

Sitting in the 4-person sleeping compartment, having perfected leaping up onto the top bunk with ninja-like stealth, both me and Alex were silently contemplating who/what we were going to be sharing a room with. First to my mind was a couple of shaven-headed Russian Mafia goons with a bag o'knives. Second to pop up were a couple of blonde Swedish girls. At this point a couple of blonde Swedish girls walked in, realised it was the wrong compartment and moved to the one next door. Weeeeelll, we though, that would have been too good to be true really. Then a couple of Danish girls walked in and it was the right compartment so... there you go.

Not that anything happened... there was normal talking about stuff, and they ate lots of mackerel in tomato sauce, and we listened to eachothers music (they rejected talking heads!! And Alex dismissed them as "the worst kind of 80s rubbish" or something... I died a little inside) but mostly it was just too insanely hot to sleep. Surreal that it was about -30 degrees outside and what felt like about 40 inside, seriously at times it was hard to breathe. But we survived! We even went to the buffet car, where there was a very VERY English chap, the sort you only find abroad, who seemed to speak every language and was very shy and basically the stereotypical sweet old man. The food, however, was garlic. The upside was that I recovered from the death in Moscow, but also spent 7 days on a train doing nothing apart from occasionally buying sausages from the locals. Oh and my birthday happened. I got a card from Alex.

During this train journey I discovered pineapple juice, realised the cups I bought along were woefully inadequate, stole all of Alex's gameboy advance games, discovered an unfortunately coloured piece of mound on my sheet, spent an interesting period wandering around the border trying to spot the train being fitted with a new undercarriage, bought a knife and fork (now rusty) and used Alex as a bureau de change on legs. We also talked and realised that we both wanted nearly opposite things from the trip... which was interesting... and found out that one of our roommates was from Iceland! SUCH a cool place. I read most of Jonathan strange and Alex read some of war and peace (what with being in Russia and all), and we all kept visits to the toilet to an absolute minimum. We used a small amount of time to learn the bare minimum Chinese to not quite get by, and realised that we won't have any way on navigating ourselves once we were away from western script signs.

There was a period where we were passing through some beautiful scenery just before and after going past an absolutely massive lake. That was nice. The rest was either empty or we were asleep. But it was very nice. All small-villagey and windy. And the massive lake was all frozen, there was a car out there doing doughnuts at one point.

So after the week on the train we arrived in Harbin.

I gave up... What a wuss part 1: Moscow

Ok here's an overview of my what turned out to be two-week trip into the big wide world. Anyone who ever says "it's a small world" within my hearing range better be prepared for some indignant snorting and, if they're not very tall, possibly some flying-tackling.

We flew out to Moscow on the second, as planned. Met at the airport by a very Russian-looking driver, we were driven into Moscow. This took ages, and the views were fascinating then depressing, endless clumps of massive flats and other clumps of small houses surrounded by barren nothingness, intersected by this massive, straight road. This road knew it was a road, and shouted it out to the world. Whether it was happy about it or not I haven't decided.

We were dropped off in a hotel where they proceeded to take our passports off us for no given reason, and eventually we were sent up to a room. The hotel appeared to still be under construction, at east all the good bits, and at this point I was starting to feel ill with worry; where the hell are we?? I could tell you "Moscow" at that point, but no more other than possibly "not red square" and there was food to negotiate.

We went to the hotel restaurant and sat listening to Italian pop, for some reason, that didn't include vasco... I remember being disappointed by this. I ordered chicken with some kind of garlic sauce. I distinctly remember this because it wasn't the last time I saw it that night; I had the most violent session of throwing up and diarrhea that I have ever had. Fantastic! Shaking and weak with a decidedly worried Alex reading in the next bed, we sampled Russian TV long into the night. Nothing particularly jumps out at me, so I guess it was as bad as you are currently imagining.

The next day, after unpacking, dressing and repacking, we dragged our bags through the sleety streets of wintertime Moscow in search of a metro station. I would compare the area to hampstead meets a market area of London with windey bits and glass boxes selling dodgey DVD's. Miraculously, we went in a straight line from hotel to station despite not actually going by roads, and so began our day in Moscow. The metro there is admittedly spectacular; every station is a palace with chandeliers, but underground and also somehow bare at the same time as being elaborately decorated. Bits of it were crumbling into disrepair, but it was still amazing... in a "ooo its a train station" kind of way. We managed to navigate the system despite the language being close to unreadable, and went first to the station the trans-Siberian train was leaving from to drop off our bags. This was like no station I've ever seen before; inbetween the station and the platforms was a bustling market, and the main part of the station took us about an hour to find when we eventually got to waiting for the train. On the way back to the metro, we were accosted by a person of no fixed abode insisting that we give him $10 because we are rich, despite all appearances. First we went for an explore. This time we did end up getting lost on the tube, so we walked from a random station through central Moscow towards red square. We walked through the equivalent of Oxford street; I'll be honest, I couldn't tell the difference! Same brands, same cars, same clothes. It was weird to think of the completely different standard of living that what seemed like most of the population of the city must live in that we saw driving in from the airport. Everyone seemed so miserable and unfriendly; it really was just like London! After a lot of walking and at least one circle, we did end up in the neighborhood of Red Square. We decided to pop in to the underground shopping mall right next to it for some food or something, and so we did. This was a mistake. It was at least warm. We went and had a wander around, me getting more and more depressed, and stopped for a buffet of some of the worst food I've ever had (Alex will back me up on this).

Whilst eating, I first told Alex (day 2) that I might not make it through the trip if was going to carry on in this fashion. He was supportive and reassured me that he had thought of this and had backup plans and not to worry about him and to do what I wanted. Then we went to red square and it was fantastic. We just missed some ceremony or other, but oh well. It was huge! And cobbled! And Lenin was there with all his friends, and some walls, oo it was like one big party. Seriously, it was well worth seeing, and the colourful churchey thing whose name temporarily slips my mind at the end was amazing too, very art-deco. We bought some postcards and ooed and aahed at the views and the architecture and generally touristed it up for a while,before taking the scenic route to a nearby metro stop and going back to the station, where we sat in a massive marble-clad hall for hours on end playing game boys and reading until it was time to board the fabled "train".

Enlightenment

"Small group was cancelled last night. Though i was at first a bit upset about this, i soon found my self realaxing in a nice warm bath! Theres little in life that can compare to having one of those 2 hour long baths! So nice to be comsumed in warmth, when outside everything is freezing cold.

Well to me, this reminds me of Jesus."

Me, not so much. In response to that I can only think of a very poor joke. Alex will probaly think of it too.

On thursday, I went to see KT Tunstall at the Camden Underworld. Actually the best thing I've ever seen! ESPECIALLY Dave Woodcock from The Maze, and the other support acts were fantastic too. (Donna from Amplifico, sounding very similar to KT herself but in a good way, The London Beach kinda folkey with a strange singer, but with many good points, and also Emmy the Great lived up to her name. But ESPECIALLY Dave Woodcock.)


The man, the myth.




The best bits of London Beach.


Emmy the Great.


KTs fantastic drummer.


KT on fine form.



Then KT came on stage and all was right with the world, with some crazy unexpected riffs, a Beck cover, two new songs, overall a massively long set insanely well pulled-off. It was one of those gigs where the artists really looked like they were enjoying themselves, with added anecdotes. I wish I was there again.

Nearly time to go :S

Right, well it's been nearly an entire month since my last update. I'm sure that by now the infrequent clingers-on that had begun to read this have given up and now rely solely on the Gaunt for their bedtime stories of ghosts, pointless webcams and the Isle of Mann. That is the natural way of things, I am not in any way attempting to change that. But I'm (at least temporarily) back! Because i'm again employed... kind of. Very loosely.

This month gap included Christmas, New Year and 8 injections. By the last two, they stung so much it hurt... yea that makes sense a bit. To save money I went to my GP for a few of them, and was confronted with the informative "How do you know you don't have chlamidya?" poster. I was pretty sure.

At new years, me and Harpe worked out the secrets of life, the universe and everything while fairly drunk, so all I can remember about it now was that it would have worked. Bugger. Penguins were involved. Also, Tims basist was nice, and watching the dawn with Chrissie (not Penny... sorry! I blame being a terrible terrible friend and alcohol), Harpe and Lawrence was eventful. I think we started an owl war. Oh and we got shot at twice... that was loud. What's wrong with a good old-fasioned scarecrow?

Christmas was the least christmasy i've ever seen it, but I did get some cash so I'm not complaining, but I didn't see much family or seasonal cheer or REAL presents... ok so I am complaining. My inner child died a little. But I'm going to have to get used to these things. "Life". Pff.

Also contained was an already mythical Christmatch. Hulk-hands were conspicuously absent as the players trickled in, as was Jason and several of the laws of physics, most noticabley grip. Needless to say, the Sparrowhawks cruised to a famous victory... well I say cruised, more sort of scraped on sudden death penalties. But it was good. So good. I even scored once. Even these meager details are only revealed after a lengthy series of lawyers meeting and getting agitated, and several strongly-worded letters, so there I'm afraid it will be left. You'll have to imagine the rest. Afterwards there was a John Barnes sighting in his natural habitat, the local indian.

As recently as last Thursday, I was transported to another state of being, but that deserves a post to itself.

Other than that, thee has been much Smallville, Malcom in the Middle and Lost. Or there should have been. But there isn't much more of any of them to see... shame.

Yes

I am sitting here with a massive grin on my face having just hit a penguin 320.5 meters, previous to which having just finished "yes man" by Danny Wallace. What a brilliant feeling, what an amazing story. EVEN BETTER than "Join Me", and if you've read that you probably won't believe me. But I'm here to tell you that it is.

By the fact that I've read a book in 3 days, you may rightly guess that these weren't the three busyest days at work ever. I also watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show (absolute genius), although that wasn't at work.

Mistranslation of the day: "cause deepens the never-existing wound"

Grouphug of the day: "The O.C is the last thing in my life that makes me feel good." - I know the feeling...

Grouphug of yesterday: "epoch's manbat arouses me"

The Last Week Begin..eth

Another pair of injections kicked off the weekend to a memorable start, "now this second one always hurts much more than the first one, noone knows why..." thanks for that nurse, who is also bizarrely and some might say helpfully afraid of needles.

She was right.

Then I eerm finished watching Smallville season 2 and went over to Alexes for a bit of poker and pool, which AGAIN reminded me that the best way of keeping socially... normal? palletable? acceptable? edible?... does not include not seeing anyone for ages, and hence I have again forgotten how to speak. Apart from to Harpe, but anyone can speak to Harpe, and he will speak unto you. For he is as close to the son of God that we are ever likely to see. It explains the pocket money...

Having got back at 1am, I slept in on Sunday and didn't make it out of the house for the rest of the weekend. Woo!

A certain someone recently introduced me to a band known as "Panic! at the Disco" which sound like a mixture between punk and dance. Somebody please tell me what to think about this. This kind of crazy mix got me and my sister thinking of other unholy alliances and I think the most scary though I have ever come across: a goth in burbery.

Grouphug of the day: "I like running, sometimes going out for 6, 10, 20 miles, whatever. Sometimes there are these annoying schoolkids on the road near my house. Sometimes they shout stuff like "run Forrest" and other such crap at me. Dumbasses. One time this pathetic girl started shouting "run, run" and tried to chase me. Without breaking stride or turning, I sprayed her all over with my water-bottle and kept running. It was awesome. I was having a bad run up to that point, but it was totally worth it to hear that Chavette schoolgirl swearing at me."... is that you, Ronnie?

Liver? What liver?

3pm the day after having only 4 beers and a bacardi and coke and I still feel dizzy... I'm thinking that I must've left my liver at home, in its li'l hutch.

I'm in the process of discovering Doves. I should have listened to them loooong ago, the only reason I can think of that explains why they're not as popular as they might be is that the singer doesn't sing like his testicles are under pressure. Hmm what are you saying by that Kashi? Not that I'd enjoy their music more if someone was squeezing the singers balls, rather that most bands these days seem to have male singers who can and do reach notes not designed for them. Which is fine, as far as it goes, but it's nice to listen to someone singing a bit lower for once. Soothing.

Grouphug of the day: "I had to take a drug test today...I smoked pot about 2 min before I went in to piss in the cup." Smooth. This is one of the few I could find that isn't about sex, I think I'm going to end this feature because I don't think I can stand reading much more of that site.

Snooker

Steve Davis is BACK!!! What a performance, a 145 followed by another century break to take the match... I hadn't watched snooker in ages and last night I felt something calling to me softly from the TV, and I turned over and there he was, getting the balls into the middle of the pocketses every time, positioning point perfect on all shots. Making the hardest game in the world look easy.

I now NEED to play again. If I don't I don't know what will happen, I might just start playing air-snooker in the street.

Then I finnished watching Nathan Barley. Give it another chance, it's much better the second time round. And then I'm not going to admit to beginning the second series of smallville...

Grouphug of the day: "I have this fantasy that I want to bash Celine Dion to death with a copy of Nietzche’s “Beyond Good and Evil”."